When you make the decision to become a parent, you have ideas about how you want to raise your child and what kind of parent you want to be. You have seen how well your parents did and what mistakes they made and you vow to be and do better.
But, is such an idealistic way of parenting reality? Being the parent of a toddler, I find it incredibly hard to abide by the "rules" I have set for myself as a parent. And I am strict.
There is no cursing in front of the toddler. That little mimicker is already picking up my bad habits of picking up the bowl to get the last scrapings of food (it's cute but messy). The last thing I need is for a curse word to "slip out" in public. And I think I must have hit the cat once or twice in front of her because she seems to think it's not only okay, but fun to do. Not to mention the yelling. I mean I am not a yeller, at least so I thought, but she sure likes to test out her volume. I just wish she would wait until I'm not driving to do it.
We all have cutesy-fun stories about toddler woes, don't we? And we all, universally, think that our kid is the brightest and the most adorable. I mean friends and family agree, right? No one has told you that your kid is ugly and dumb; that's just plain rude and not what we do in the "civilized" society we live in.
It's a delicate balance to live your life while providing the best life you can for your child(ren). You don't want to lose "yourself" while gaining this new personality that is your child. You need time for yourself, but choosing what to do in that time is a delicate balance. Do you read a book (just because you want to) or do the dishes? Do you play your Nintendo DS or clean up from the day? God knows it seems like those moments that you have to yourself are dwindling more and more. (or is it just me?)
Personally, I am in the middle of about 3 parenting books right now. I try to fit them in when I have a minute. But it's both a chore and something that I want to do, if that makes sense. See, I want to be the best parent I can be and I know I'm not an expert at it. I've only been at it for about 21 months now and this is the first (and only) time for me. I am also reading my Mother-In-Law's journals that she kept from when my husband was a new baby and "Dead Until Dark". I hope to finish the latter in the next couple of months, not to mention I am about 8 weeks behind on my People Magazines.
So, back to ideal parenting. You want your kid to be the smartest and the cutest and the first to do everything. And it's so incredibly INCREDIBLY hard NOT to speak up when "Donna Reed" is bragging about little Emma and her latest accomplishments. But I try to not say anything about my kid unless asked. You know why? Because if Willow isn't where whatever the kid that is being bragged about is, it makes me feel like a terrible mother. I mean if little Emma can name all the animals in the jungle, shouldn't Willow be able to? You begin to question your parenting. Maybe I'm not working with her enough. Should I enroll her in an early learning program or get a tutor? You get the idea.
The thing I try to remember is that kids are kids and they learn when they learn. Some kids Willow's age (21 months old) are talking less than her and some are talking more. Some are potty trained and some (like Willow) aren't.
My new "ideal parenting motto" is to "wait until Willow is ready". She has NEVER failed to let us know when she is ready to try something new or give up something old. Now, I am perfectly aware that this isn't going to last forever. I can't always wait until she is ready for something. Part of being a parent is deciding when it's time to lend a helping hand and guide your child in the direction that you'd like them to end up, right?
So what's the point of this post? The point of this post is to remind everyone that no one is the perfect parent. And no matter how well you plan and what ideals you adopt, parenting is never straight forward and is almost always a guessing game. Sure, you have the experience of the child(ren) you have raised should you have more than one, but since every child is different no two parenting experiences are the same (even with the same parents).
The point is to give yourself a break. I know I am working on it. I am not perfect and Willow doesn't really need me to be. As long as she is happy overall, that's all that matters.
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