These are words that we want people to associate with our children, aren't they? How awesome does it feel when someone compliments you on your child's behavior? I have gotten compliments on my 22-month-old so I can safely tell you that it is pretty awesome. It makes you feel like you are doing something right. So, the questions is, why do we want to instill traits and behaviors in our children that we do not ourselves pattern?
We "roll through" that stop sign but if our teenage child did the same we'd surely say something. We complain when the neighbor has a party, but when it's our turn we are just as loud.
Ever since having a baby I have learned a little more about consideration for others. This is because I am considerate (or at least try to be) for my child. You would think that having children would make you sensitive to the difficulties others have, especially in a neighborhood situation where there are many children involved. But I have found this to NOT be the case and, frankly, it has me baffled.
We live in a "do as I say not as I do" society and adults are terrible when it comes to manners, and being kind and polite. I was stuck on the side of the road a couple of months ago with a flat tire. It wasn't a highway and people were driving by at a rate of several a minute. It took me 45 minutes to get the stupid lug nuts off the tire to change it out. I had 4 of 5 off when one of the probably 50 people that passed me by in that span of time (about 30 minutes) finally stopped to help me. I appreciated the help but it was too late to make any kind of time difference for me. The moral of the story is that people want someone to stop for them but aren't willing to stop and help someone else. It's so easy to say "Oh yeah, I would totally stop and help someone." and then never have the opportunity to do so. It's another thing altogether to actually stop and help when you do.
Another case in point is my neighbors. Of the 23 (or so) houses on my street (which is a cul-de-sac), about 17 (or so) of them have kids. It's a great street for kids and we love it, for the most part. Our house is the center house at the end of the street. So when the kids play outside, it's right outside my house in front of my driveway (and very loud because apparently screaming is conducive to having fun ^_^) and we don't mind at all (and I don't remember ever complaining about noise).
Everyone on the street knows I have a toddler. She is one of the youngest on the street. They also know her bed time and that her bedroom is in the front of the house above the garage. They know this because I have mentioned it several times both in person and via e-mail. And while some people are considerate, all that knowledge doesn't stop others from doing things like lighting off fireworks on the 4th of July and on New Year's late into the night. You know, for the kids. (Luckily I have been blessed with a heavy sleeper)
I am the type of parent who doesn't keep her kid up for my convenience. Because when she is up too late it is decidedly inconvenient for me and my husband (if he's home) for the rest of the night and likely the next day. And I know it's just because of her age and when she gets older the whole "staying up late" thing will be easier (and harder for other things).
I know this is probably coming off bad, but I really don't mean to chastise parents who do keep their kids up for selfish reasons. We are all selfish from time to time. But my daughter thrives on her routine, which we established right from the beginning. They tell me all the time at daycare how she is the most routine child they have. And I take pride in that because she knows exactly what to expect and when to expect it (for the most part). Part of that routine is a stringent bedtime, which is timed for when she is really too tired to go on in order to get her needed sleep in for the night and not be cranky the next day. This is the reason we don't go out at night...well, that and we are just homebodies who are happiest relaxing in the home that we love. (I have considered a babysitter but I'm not there yet)
Since becoming a parent, I have developed a consideration for other people and their children that I assumed other people with children also have. Boy, am I wrong. And being wrong about that makes me sad. I'll admit that I am judgmental when it comes to parenting. It's stupid and I try to keep it to myself and vent only to my husband when I see things like a 16-month-old (who is much smaller than my 22-month-old in 2T) in size 4T clothing, or when I see a child under 6 holding a firecracker while their grandmother lights it and tells them to throw it (while filming the whole thing). To me, those things represent irresponsible parenting. But, who am I to judge? I promise you I am no saint.
I just wish that people really "did unto others as they would have done unto them" like we are taught as children. Imagine a world where people really do stop to help; a world where people don't chastise you for being a "party-pooper" when you ask them to quiet down (or heck just have some plain old consideration and follow the local noise ordinances) because your baby is sleeping. Imagine the world we would be handing our children if we, as adults, just exemplified the manners and etiquette that we expect from our children. I know I'd like to see that world.
So, next time someone tries to cut you off (whether it's on the parking lot, in the grocery store, or on the highway, etc.), why not let them in instead of stepping on the gas for a change? Next time you are running late, make sure to STILL stop at that stop sign (because it doesn't save you time really). And next time someone asks you to turn down the noise, accommodate them. Just the once.
On the other hand, give people the benefit of the doubt. (she says as she judges ^_^) I try to, really I do. I always give people a chance, even two chances! I don't assume you never stop at that stop sign just because I saw you run it once. I'll even walk with my daughter in the street because your car is (illegally) blocking the sidewalk. Maybe you have a reason for not pulling all the way into the driveway?
Moral of the story? The next time you are given an opportunity to be one of those things (essentially the "bigger" person), give it a try!! It feels good to be courteous, polite, and kind, I promise. (your children can see the double standard when you aren't)
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