Indescribable Love

It's funny because I never really thought of myself as "mother" material. I'm still not quite sure what that is. I believe everyone has the capability to both give and handle the type of love that exists between a mother and a child. That's not to say that everyone is cut out to be a mother but then not everyone is a mother.

I guess I never had that "calling" that some women get or feel when they get to a certain age. You know, that pang in your heart that longs for a child and to become a mother. That nurturing instinct that all women have. Well most, okay some, women. They have that pang, right?

But, when it felt like the right time, I tried getting pregnant. Then, I finally got pregnant. Then I gave birth and I was thrust, head underwater, into the ranks of those that are also mothers.

Let me tell you, this motherhood thing is trial by fire. It's on the job training that can have devastating effects if you don't learn fast enough. And I wasn't sure, even after Willow was born, that I was cut out for it.

I didn't feel that "immediate" bond with her despite carrying her for nine months in my stomach. And since I wasn't able to breastfeed, we didn't have that either. But, I have to say that I love being her mother.

I love seeing her grow up and getting slobbery kisses and baby hugs. I love being the first person she sees in the morning and the last person she sees at night and I really and truly miss her when she is sleeping, even though I am sleeping too during that time. My thoughts are always with her and she is my heart.

I hope that we have a good relationship when she gets older. I hope that she confides in and trusts me and I hope that I am doing all of the right things at this critical time in her life when she is learning how to trust and treat people and as she learns to trust and believe in herself.

Being a mother requires a lot of faith in yourself and in your partner and even if, like me, you thought that maybe you weren't cut out for being a mother well, life often proves you wrong and, for me, this is one of those times.

Even though I am lots of things; a wife, a sister, a daughter, an aunt...none of those things compare to being a mother. And I am so glad that we made the decision to bring a life into this world because I know it's made me a better person.