In the News - When moms criticize, dads back off of baby care

I always check the Kids and Parenting section of MSNBC and today I wasn't disappointed. I found the article: When moms criticize, dads back off of baby care.

Coupled with the secondary headline: "Women's nagging or support dictates men's involvement, research shows." I could really feel it hitting home for me when I remember back to the time when Willow was a new baby.

Study co-author and mother Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan researched "97 married or cohabitating couples, starting when they were in their third trimester of pregnancy, asking them about their beliefs about moms, dads and involvement in day-to-day child care." (results appear in the June 2008 issue of the Journal of Family Psychology)

When I was a really new mom (I'm just a new mom now), I have to admit that sometimes when David would do things for the baby I would get irritated because he wasn't doing it the way I would have done it. And if you ask him, he would probably tell you that I corrected him (or at least attempted to) but I tried to let him help in any way he could. And boy was I glad for the help. Not only because it gave me a break from time to time but because it allowed him to bond much more with Willow.

According to the article, "During the first few months of a new baby's life, every parent suffers moments of self-doubt. But new research suggests that dads might be especially susceptible to that lack of self-confidence — and that moms may be partly to blame.

"Moms' words of criticism or encouragement directly affect how involved their husband or partner becomes in the day-to-day care of their infant, finds a new study published in the June issue of the Journal of Family Psychology. When a mother criticized her partner's child-care efforts, it often caused him to lose confidence, and even withdraw from caring for the baby. But when a mom praised dad's efforts, he took a more active parenting role. "

But, doesn't that just seem like common sense to you? Don't you feel better when someone looks at you and says "good job!"? Haven't there been studies that have concluded that people do better at their jobs when there is praising involved? Maybe I am just pulling that out of my butt.

"Most couples said they believed fathers and mothers should spend an equal amount of time with their children," Schoppe-Sullivan says. But after their child was born, it didn't matter what they had said in those initial interviews; it was the mom's behavior that dictated the dad's involvement.

"About two-thirds of the couples were first-time parents, but whether or not they already had kids at home didn't affect the outcome, Schoppe-Sullivan says.

"They found that the dads who knew what they were doing had partners who encouraged and complimented them as they changed the baby's clothes. But the dads who looked less confident were accompanied by partners who critiqued their methods during the entire observation."

So, for you moms out there both old and new. Tell your husband he is doing a good job. And just because he doesn't do it the way you would, doesn't make it wrong...just different.