Is Your Life What You Wanted?

Sometimes I wonder. When I was a kid, I never sat down and thought about what my life would be like when I was an adult aside from your typical fleeting thoughts about a career and how many kids I wanted. When you are a kid life is seemingly hard but really pretty easy. You have everything done for and handed to you.

Even after I grew up and went to college and started my career and got married, I thought I had this "life" thing down and maybe it's not so bad. I had a house and paid my bills and wento to work and the monotony ensued. That's when I decided to have a baby.

I waited a long time to have Willow. I was never one of those women with a strong desire to have and raise a child but I always knew that I would one day be a mother. I finished college and got married and started a career, all before having a baby. And I am glad that I didn't have a baby right after getting married because it gave David and I time to really get to know each other and form a really strong bond with one another. I'm not saying it's wrong to get married and have kids right away, it just wasn't right for me. I wanted to have time alone with David because I knew that once we had a baby that would be over.

I guess waiting to have a baby was kind of like being a kid again. It was our time to do what we wanted before the real responsibility started. And apparently lots of people are making the decision to wait to start a family. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, age specific birth rates (according to the National Vital Statistics Reports) from 1990 to 2002 have seen an increase in older women (30's and above) having babies and a decrease in younger women (20's and below) having babies.

Now it's a new kind of monotony that includes naps, feedings, and diaper changes.

Is it what I wanted? I guess I don't really know what I thought life would be like when I grew up and I still find myself questioning it from time to time. But, since this is the one I am stuck with, I am trying to make the best of life's monotony and live for those fleeting moments when I can genuinely laugh and think about what I wonderful life I have while living vicariously through my daughter who is just starting out.