New Baby Memories - Postpartum Depression (PPD)

One of the things a lot of women worry about is Postpartum Depression (PPD). However, it wasn't something I worried about. Then I was diagnosed with it. About 10% to 25% of new mothers are diagnosed with PPD, and 80% with the "Baby Blues".

What are the "Baby Blues"? After having a baby, many women have mood swings. One minute they feel happy, the next minute they start to cry. They may feel a little depressed, have a hard time concentrating, lose their appetite or find that they can't sleep well even when the baby is asleep. These symptoms usually start about 3 to 4 days after delivery and may last several days.

If you're a new mother and have any of these symptoms, you have what are called the baby blues. The baby blues are considered a normal part of early motherhood and usually go away within 10 days after delivery.

I had most of those symptoms, but I was mostly sad. A majority of my day was spent trying not to cry and I couldn't understand what was wrong with me and why I was so sad. I didn't want to eat and I was very critical about what anyone did with my baby. People were holding her wrong, dressing her wrong, feeding her wrong. I was the only one who could do it correctly and I felt so very overwhelmed and unappreciated. And I was worrying about EVERYTHING. I worried about being a good mother, about people coming to visit, David leaving for work. I was so worried and anxious that it made me even more exhausted than I already was.

From my journal 1 week after Willow was born: "I am trying to make every day like a new beginning but, its hard to do that.

"Today I went to the store by myself and I both loved and hated it. I liked getting time away and I missed my baby terribly at the same time.

"I know she is new. Being a mom is new. The whole situation is new. And everything will take getting used to.

"I feel like I live for the time when she is asleep instead of being able to enjoy the time I have with her when she is awake. It's just that the times when she is awake, she is so very fussy and I can't enjoy her because I am so concerned with getting her to not cry it is frustrating. But then I remember that she doesn't know anything aside from being hungry or comfortable. She knows who I am but that's about it. She is incapable if any kind of interaction the way I think of interaction because she is so new and a day is like a year to her. Even though I know all these things, it still makes me sad. But at the same time it helps me to anticipate the future I have with her which will be filled with many days of meaningful interaction and revelations."

5 weeks later I was diagnosed with PPD and prescribed Zoloft. The good news was I had lost all but 12 pounds of my baby weight (that's 40 pounds folks). The bad news was I had lost the weight because I wasn't eating enough while breastfeeding. Willow was a fussy baby and maybe that was a factor in my PPD, but who knows? According to FamilyDoctor.org, Postpartum depression is more likely if you have had any of the following:

• Previous postpartum depression


• Depression not related to pregnancy


• Severe premenstrual syndrome (PMS)


• A difficult or very stressful marriage or relationship


• Few family members or friends to talk to or depend on


• Stressful life events during pregnancy or after childbirth (such as as severe illness during pregnancy, premature birth or a difficult delivery)

The exact cause of PPD isn't known. Hormone levels change during pregnancy and right after childbirth. Those hormone changes may produce chemical changes in the brain that play a part in causing depression.

Feeling depressed doesn't mean that you are a bad person, that you did something wrong or that you brought this on yourself.

I was on the Zoloft for 6 months. Willow is now just about 11 months old and I am happy (and have been for some time), so it didn't last forever.

If you have Postpartum Depression I can feel your pain but know that you will get over it. It probably helps that I was previously (years ago) diagnosed with (and overcame) depression. So, I could understand the need for medication (in my case) and I could understand that it would go away but I had to work on it and I had to have David's help. Luckily he was more than happy to help me get through it.

Being a new parent is something we had to get through together. And it's something we are still working on. Heck, I guess it's something we'll be working on for the rest of our lives, isn't it?