When you are a brand new mom (just got home with the baby) the last thing on your mind is "me" time. You are so overwhelmed with your new baby that is it all consuming for the first month or so. Once your baby starts sleeping at night and is more awake during the day, you start to wonder if you are ever going to find the time to do things like laundry and the dishes again.
People tell you "Sleep when the baby sleeps!". And I have to tell you that when your baby is REALLY new, that is an excellent thing to do because when you are first learning (on the job) about being a parent, you don't care about things like dishes and laundry. AND, if you are really lucky (depending on how you look at it) you have wonderful parents yourself who have offered to come and help you do things like dishes, laundry, and hold the wee-bit while you silently think about how they have no idea how to care for your baby get a little bit of "alone" time. (you eventually get over it, believe me)
So, after the grandparents (your parents) are gone and it's just you and the baby, you start to feel really alone and overwhelmed. You worry about everything and wonder if you are doing what you should be doing. This too will pass as you gain more confidence over the next couple of months. Soon, you get to the point when your baby is sleeping through the night and has a daytime nap schedule but you are STILL exhausted. This doesn't go away any time soon, in my experience. (Willow is almost a year old and I am still exhausted)
I am a working mother. Willow is in daycare while I work and my husband (who is an airline pilot) is gone 4 days of the week. On those four days I am a single mom. I rush to get Willow ready in the morning so I can drop her off at daycare and then go to work. After work, I get in a quick 30-minute workout at Curves, then I go and pick Willow up. When we get home (around 4:30pm), my time is spent playing with her. I squeeze in a frozen meal for my dinner before her bedtime routine starts at 7:00pm. She is typically in bed by 7:30pm. This leaves me 1.5 hours before I get ready for and go to bed before waking up again at 5:00am. Lather, rinse, repeat.
During those 1.5 precious hours, I rarely get any "me" time. See, that's when I have to do things like clean my house, wash dishes, etc. Basically I spend this time getting ready for the next day by doing as much as I can at night, so I don't have to do it in the morning. So, during the work week it's pretty much a given that I will get no time to myself. And I am okay with that.
When my husband is home on the weekend, I get to squeeze in a little time to myself since he is there to watch Willow for a couple of hours while I go and do something for me, like get a pedicure. That is my "me" time for the week.
I am sure many of you can sympathize. I was reading the September issue of Baby Talk, while I was "indisposed" *ahem* for a few minutes in the bathroom (one of the few times I get to read for a minute or so), and came across a lovely article entitled "Searching for your "me" time?". The mom who wrote the article has 5 tips for parents in that situation:
1) Real "me" time leaves you feeling refreshed and regret-free.
This is an important one, especially for a new mom since you can easily feel like if you aren't with your baby 100% of the time, you are doing them a disservice. The truth is, you are doing them a disservice by not giving yourself a break. Being a mom is the hardest job imaginable and every job needs some time off.
2) Stake claim to your "me" time by scheduling it on your calendar - in pen.
Saying your going to do something and then actually doing it are two different things. You will find a plethora of excuses to not go and do something for yourself. That is why it is important to have a firm date and time set aside for yourself. As a bonus (well, kind of), having that set time allows you to plan other non-"me" things around it.
3) Include other adults in some of your "me" time.
Honestly, you don't really feel like an adult unless you are surrounded by other adults. Sure, you won't be able to think about much other than your baby until they are older and you are more "seasoned" (especially if your baby is under 2 months old) but time with people other than your baby is a good thing.
4) Adult-only "me" time is ideal, but if that's too stressful, go to Plan B.
Plan B involves reading a book or vegging in front of the TV for a few precious minutes while your wee-bit is in dreamland. I usually "watch" my shows (thank you DVR) when I am busy doing things like dishes.
5) Trust that you will get your "me" time - eventually.
Your baby is not going to be a baby forever. I try to cherish every moment I get with Willow since the day will come (all too fast I am sure) when she will be yelling "I HATE YOU MOM" and storm out of the house. Until then, get in that "me" time where and when you can. That's what I plan to do.
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August 29, 2008
New Baby Memories - Finding Your "Me" Time
August 23, 2008
New Baby Memories - Going to Sleep
Are you having trouble getting your newborn baby to sleep? Been there, done that.
When Willow was first born she didn't go to sleep very easily. We would swaddle her (the tighter the better) and lay her down. She wouldn't always fall asleep. She would start crying and get herself so worked up that she couldn't relax and fall asleep.
What to do? Through trial and error we found walking with her against our shoulder and rubbing her back helped to calm her down. This sometimes took quite a while, say 20+ minutes!
I don't know how but I thought of humming to her. It really didn't matter what song I hummed but she seemed to like it. It also gave my wife and I a chance to remember songs we listened to in grade school and college, and try and stump the other person with which song we were humming. This is harder than it sounds. The song always sounded good in my head but I'm not so sure that the sound I hummed was a good representation of the actual song. Oh well. It was fun to think of songs I hadn't heard in 10 or more years. It was also discouraging how I could remember these songs but the things I have to memorize for work seem to slip my mind after only a few months of not regularly studying them.
Sometimes I would try singing out loud to Willow. The good news was that she didn't seem to mind that I am not a very melodious singer, nor that I rarely knew all the words. Heck I usually knew little more than the chorus. I usually stuck to humming.
Now that she is almost a year old she, thankfully, goes to sleep much easier. Now during the day I dance and sing with Willow to music playing on the stereo. She likes being lifted into the air, dipped, etc. Sometimes she really gets into it and will make "Ahh, ahh" noises as I bounce up and down. Not really in tune to the beat but in tune to my bouncing. It's pretty cute.
I can hardly wait until I get to dance with her when she gets a bit older. Hopefully she will be able to overlook the fact that I don't have much rhythm. I've gotten past it. Hey, if your having fun what does it matter?
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August 15, 2008
New Baby Memories - Postpartum Depression (PPD)
One of the things a lot of women worry about is Postpartum Depression (PPD). However, it wasn't something I worried about. Then I was diagnosed with it. About 10% to 25% of new mothers are diagnosed with PPD, and 80% with the "Baby Blues".
What are the "Baby Blues"? After having a baby, many women have mood swings. One minute they feel happy, the next minute they start to cry. They may feel a little depressed, have a hard time concentrating, lose their appetite or find that they can't sleep well even when the baby is asleep. These symptoms usually start about 3 to 4 days after delivery and may last several days.
If you're a new mother and have any of these symptoms, you have what are called the baby blues. The baby blues are considered a normal part of early motherhood and usually go away within 10 days after delivery.
I had most of those symptoms, but I was mostly sad. A majority of my day was spent trying not to cry and I couldn't understand what was wrong with me and why I was so sad. I didn't want to eat and I was very critical about what anyone did with my baby. People were holding her wrong, dressing her wrong, feeding her wrong. I was the only one who could do it correctly and I felt so very overwhelmed and unappreciated. And I was worrying about EVERYTHING. I worried about being a good mother, about people coming to visit, David leaving for work. I was so worried and anxious that it made me even more exhausted than I already was.
From my journal 1 week after Willow was born: "I am trying to make every day like a new beginning but, its hard to do that.
"Today I went to the store by myself and I both loved and hated it. I liked getting time away and I missed my baby terribly at the same time.
"I know she is new. Being a mom is new. The whole situation is new. And everything will take getting used to.
"I feel like I live for the time when she is asleep instead of being able to enjoy the time I have with her when she is awake. It's just that the times when she is awake, she is so very fussy and I can't enjoy her because I am so concerned with getting her to not cry it is frustrating. But then I remember that she doesn't know anything aside from being hungry or comfortable. She knows who I am but that's about it. She is incapable if any kind of interaction the way I think of interaction because she is so new and a day is like a year to her. Even though I know all these things, it still makes me sad. But at the same time it helps me to anticipate the future I have with her which will be filled with many days of meaningful interaction and revelations."
5 weeks later I was diagnosed with PPD and prescribed Zoloft. The good news was I had lost all but 12 pounds of my baby weight (that's 40 pounds folks). The bad news was I had lost the weight because I wasn't eating enough while breastfeeding. Willow was a fussy baby and maybe that was a factor in my PPD, but who knows? According to FamilyDoctor.org, Postpartum depression is more likely if you have had any of the following:
The exact cause of PPD isn't known. Hormone levels change during pregnancy and right after childbirth. Those hormone changes may produce chemical changes in the brain that play a part in causing depression.
Feeling depressed doesn't mean that you are a bad person, that you did something wrong or that you brought this on yourself.
I was on the Zoloft for 6 months. Willow is now just about 11 months old and I am happy (and have been for some time), so it didn't last forever.
If you have Postpartum Depression I can feel your pain but know that you will get over it. It probably helps that I was previously (years ago) diagnosed with (and overcame) depression. So, I could understand the need for medication (in my case) and I could understand that it would go away but I had to work on it and I had to have David's help. Luckily he was more than happy to help me get through it.
Being a new parent is something we had to get through together. And it's something we are still working on. Heck, I guess it's something we'll be working on for the rest of our lives, isn't it?
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New Series - New Baby Memories
I have been thinking a lot about when Willow was new and I was a REALLY new mom who had never been around babies very much. I went through a LOT in those first couple of months, so I thought I write up a bit about my experiences.
Look for it in the coming days!!
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