New Baby Memories - Finding Your "Me" Time

When you are a brand new mom (just got home with the baby) the last thing on your mind is "me" time. You are so overwhelmed with your new baby that is it all consuming for the first month or so. Once your baby starts sleeping at night and is more awake during the day, you start to wonder if you are ever going to find the time to do things like laundry and the dishes again.

People tell you "Sleep when the baby sleeps!". And I have to tell you that when your baby is REALLY new, that is an excellent thing to do because when you are first learning (on the job) about being a parent, you don't care about things like dishes and laundry. AND, if you are really lucky (depending on how you look at it) you have wonderful parents yourself who have offered to come and help you do things like dishes, laundry, and hold the wee-bit while you silently think about how they have no idea how to care for your baby get a little bit of "alone" time. (you eventually get over it, believe me)

So, after the grandparents (your parents) are gone and it's just you and the baby, you start to feel really alone and overwhelmed. You worry about everything and wonder if you are doing what you should be doing. This too will pass as you gain more confidence over the next couple of months. Soon, you get to the point when your baby is sleeping through the night and has a daytime nap schedule but you are STILL exhausted. This doesn't go away any time soon, in my experience. (Willow is almost a year old and I am still exhausted)

I am a working mother. Willow is in daycare while I work and my husband (who is an airline pilot) is gone 4 days of the week. On those four days I am a single mom. I rush to get Willow ready in the morning so I can drop her off at daycare and then go to work. After work, I get in a quick 30-minute workout at Curves, then I go and pick Willow up. When we get home (around 4:30pm), my time is spent playing with her. I squeeze in a frozen meal for my dinner before her bedtime routine starts at 7:00pm. She is typically in bed by 7:30pm. This leaves me 1.5 hours before I get ready for and go to bed before waking up again at 5:00am. Lather, rinse, repeat.

During those 1.5 precious hours, I rarely get any "me" time. See, that's when I have to do things like clean my house, wash dishes, etc. Basically I spend this time getting ready for the next day by doing as much as I can at night, so I don't have to do it in the morning. So, during the work week it's pretty much a given that I will get no time to myself. And I am okay with that.

When my husband is home on the weekend, I get to squeeze in a little time to myself since he is there to watch Willow for a couple of hours while I go and do something for me, like get a pedicure. That is my "me" time for the week.

I am sure many of you can sympathize. I was reading the September issue of Baby Talk, while I was "indisposed" *ahem* for a few minutes in the bathroom (one of the few times I get to read for a minute or so), and came across a lovely article entitled "Searching for your "me" time?". The mom who wrote the article has 5 tips for parents in that situation:

1) Real "me" time leaves you feeling refreshed and regret-free.

This is an important one, especially for a new mom since you can easily feel like if you aren't with your baby 100% of the time, you are doing them a disservice. The truth is, you are doing them a disservice by not giving yourself a break. Being a mom is the hardest job imaginable and every job needs some time off.

2) Stake claim to your "me" time by scheduling it on your calendar - in pen.

Saying your going to do something and then actually doing it are two different things. You will find a plethora of excuses to not go and do something for yourself. That is why it is important to have a firm date and time set aside for yourself. As a bonus (well, kind of), having that set time allows you to plan other non-"me" things around it.

3) Include other adults in some of your "me" time.

Honestly, you don't really feel like an adult unless you are surrounded by other adults. Sure, you won't be able to think about much other than your baby until they are older and you are more "seasoned" (especially if your baby is under 2 months old) but time with people other than your baby is a good thing.

4) Adult-only "me" time is ideal, but if that's too stressful, go to Plan B.

Plan B involves reading a book or vegging in front of the TV for a few precious minutes while your wee-bit is in dreamland. I usually "watch" my shows (thank you DVR) when I am busy doing things like dishes.

5) Trust that you will get your "me" time - eventually.

Your baby is not going to be a baby forever. I try to cherish every moment I get with Willow since the day will come (all too fast I am sure) when she will be yelling "I HATE YOU MOM" and storm out of the house. Until then, get in that "me" time where and when you can. That's what I plan to do.